Get the Exact Time

Fri, 18 May 2012 13:13:25 -0500

Every weekday morning for years, at about 11:30 am, the telephone operator in a small town received a call from a man asking for the exact time.

One day the operator got up the nerve to ask him why he called so often. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," the man explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle exactly at noon, so I call you to get the correct time."

"That's funny," the operator giggled. "All these years, we've been setting our clock by your whistle."

Call Sheriff and Veterinarian

Fri, 18 May 2012 07:51:26 -0500

In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang. The sheriff's wife answered.

An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"

"Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked.

"Both," came the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it!"

The Bridal Gown

Fri, 18 May 2012 02:33:20 -0500

A little girl was attending a wedding for the first time, and marveled at the decorations, the music, and especially the bridal gown.

"Why is the bride dressed in white?" she whispered to her mother.

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother replied. "Today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, and then asked, "Why does the groom wear black?"

Get a Ticket After Fishing Trip

Tue, 15 May 2012 19:21:48 -0500

A man back to home from a fishing trip. He drive on highway, going way too fast. He felt secure all cars traveling at the same speed. However, it wasn't long before he saw flashing lights in his review mirror and pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature, and was about to walk away when the man stopped him. "Officer, I know I was speeding," he started, "but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

The officer tilted his head and gestured at the fishing gear stowed on the passenger seat. "I see you like fishing," he said.

"Ummm, yes I do... so?" the confused driver replied.

The officer grinned as he turned to leave. "Ever catch ALL the fish?"

How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Mon, 14 May 2012 23:40:35 -0500

Border Collie: "Just one - me! Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code."

Rottweiler: "Change it yourself!"

Lab: "Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?"

Dachshund: "You know I can't reach that lamp!"

Jack Russell Terrier: "I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls."

Greyhound: "It isn't moving. Who cares?"

Pointer: "I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!"

Chihuahua: "Yo quiero Taco Bulb?"

Australian Shepherd: "Well, the first step is to herd all the light bulbs into a little circle..."

Old English Sheep dog: "Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?"

Basset Hound: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Golden Retriever: "The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about some burned-out bulb?"