Flat-lined Computer

Sun, 08 Jul 2012 10:26:40 +0000

I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes down it causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.

"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called out with mock horror.

"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"

The Laws of Computing

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 04:24:15 +0000

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it.
When the going gets tough, upgrade.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.
He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.
The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

How to Make More Money on Repairs

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 04:24:15 +0000

When a customer's printer pages began to grow faint he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably just needed new toner.

Because the store charged to install toner, the repair man told the customer he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

Stay Late Because Computer in Office was Down

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 04:24:15 +0000

The new office computer system was down as much as it was working. Cathy decided to stay late one evening to catch up on the work that had accumulated. On her way home, a police officer stopped her for speeding.

"What a perfect end to an awful day!" she exclaimed. "Our computer is up, then down -- up, then down. I stay late to catch up, and now this!"

The officer was unaffected by Cathy's griping, and he went to his car to prepare a citation. After what seemed an eternity, he returned with her license and registration. As he handed them to her, he smiled and said,

"No ticket. Our computer is down."

Little Secret for Building Arm and Shoulder Muscles

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 04:24:15 +0000

If you have a job sitting in front of a computer all day, you may not be getting enough exercise. If you don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles.

Begin by standing with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.